Corporate Flirting

Corporate flirting as it stands today falls largely in the domain of men. The sexual innuendos, word, looks are less about making a pass more about exerting power. I have power over you. I can look at you, comment on you, say to you beyond the professional domain. I am the powerful you are the lesser and you will hear me, receive my looks and words, complying fully to the power dynamic.

The dictionary describes power in the following 2 ways (meanings relevant here):

• The ability or capacity to do something or act in a way

• The capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events.

  
  

The initiator of flirting has the ability and capacity to do it and thus can influence behavior's or course of events. 

Why do men feel more empowered to flirt? Or I guess the more intriguing question is why don’t women feel that they can initiate the flirting game. Flirting is about behaving as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully rather than with serious intentions. Biologically women are placed as naturally to be attracted to men as men to women.

Trying to answer that question can lead us to multiple places. One argument, could be that women are perceptive to the fact that flirting in a professional place is trying to exert an influence over someone which is not warranted or the other could be that given the gender roles and dynamics in the larger society women have never felt empowered enough to be able to freely express their physical sexual attractions and needs.

Personally, I go with the latter. Irrespective the purpose of this discussion is not to delve into why women behave the way they do nor to say what men do is right or wrong. What I am trying to do here is to see what is the best way to negotiate corporate flirting in such a way that it works best for both.

What are the choices if someone is flirting with you at work because of which you feel uncomfortable, disempowered and it starts impacting your ability to voice your opinion or take full charge of the project as you need to? Option 1, You can reach out to an ombudsperson and complain. Hmm well same old story. Often the complainant feels more harassed than the one who was complaint against as the process of investigation unfolds. To begin with the person who flirts is someone who feels powerful enough and knows he will get away with it. Has a strong network is embedded well into the “Men's Club” and a complaint like this is going to be like a little flutter in his career path record which will not be noticed and given any significance.

The complainant though will earn a reputation. Not of someone who stands for the right but someone which doesn’t adapt is a cry baby high maintenance etc. Soon she will be passed on for good roles, people will be wary of taking her onto new projects etc. after all who wants a trouble maker.

Given the above does not work mostly, I propose we explore another option. Simply put women need to learn to flirt. They need to tackle flirting by flirting back. The minute you do that you cut the most important underlying current, you don’t let flirting become a game of power play. The minute that stops it becomes harmless and almost can be enjoyed as it becomes a play of words wit, humor and satire and if it does take a more serious turn for two consenting adults than it truly is only their business.

Instead of clamping up or going blank trying to look for support as if not knowing what hit you, when someone makes a flirtatious remark, just change your perspective. Understand it’s not meant to be treated seriously. Relax think it’s a game, play the game and enjoy yourself. The victim mentality will make you the victim. 

Changing the paradigm of the stereotypical way of looking at flirting can indeed make it almost enjoyable for both the genders without anyone feeling like the victim or the perpetrator. Flirting is a fun game let’s not turn it into a game of power.